Why does He still call me son/daughter when I fail?
Because belonging to God as a child rests on His adopting love and His promise, not on your performance. When His children fail, He does not stop being Father: He is the Father who runs to His returning child, who disciplines because He loves, and whose claim on you is a covenant, not a balance sheet.
This question arose from studying Who is God the Father? and Does God use our failures for our good?.
Begin by reading
Go into the Word
Not a summary of these passages: the passages themselves. Read them, then come back to the study below.
The study
What the Scripture says
Sonship is a gift of adoption, not a wage
You were not adopted because you were good enough; you were adopted because God chose to. Paul says God sent His Son and poured out His Spirit so that we might receive adoption as children. The invitation is not 'prove yourself, and then I will call you son.' It is the opposite: 'you are a child, therefore cry Abba, Father.'
But when the fullness of the time came, God sent out his Son, born to a woman, born under the law, that he might redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of children. And because you are children, God sent out the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, “Abba, Father!”
For you didn’t receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”
See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! For this cause the world doesn’t know us, because it didn’t know him.
having predestined us for adoption as children through Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his desire,
His love for you is a covenant, not a balance sheet
Human parents can be a poor picture; God's love is not running on your record. 'We love him, because he first loved us.' Even when a mother could forget her nursing child, God says He will not forget us; His compassion is on those who fear Him. He does not keep a tally of your failures against the love He has pledged.
In this is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son as the atoning sacrifice for our sins.
We love him, because he first loved us.
“Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yes, these may forget, yet I will not forget you! Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.
Like a father has compassion on his children, so Yahweh has compassion on those who fear him.
But God commends his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
The Father runs toward the returning child
The prodigal rehearsed a speech about being treated as a hired servant, but he never got to the punchline. While he was still far off, his father saw him, was moved with compassion, ran to him, and embraced him. The robe, the ring, and the shoes came before any lecture. Failure did not make him less a son; the father received him still calling him 'this, my son,' and to the elder son's complaint he answered, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours': the son's place never depended on what he earned.
“He arose, and came to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him, and was moved with compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe, and put it on him. Put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. Bring the fattened calf, kill it, and let us eat, and celebrate; for this, my son, was dead, and is alive again. He was lost, and is found.’ They began to celebrate.
“He said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But it was appropriate to celebrate and be glad, for this, your brother, was dead, and is alive again. He was lost, and is found.’”
Discipline is the mark of a son, not proof of being disowned
Hebrews tackles the very worry you have when you fail: it can feel like God has turned His back. But the Word says the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son He receives. God deals with you as with children. It is painful for the moment, but it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness; a father who does not discipline is not showing love, and He does discipline because you are His.
For whom the Lord loves, he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives.”
It is for discipline that you endure. God deals with you as with children, for what son is there whom his father doesn’t discipline?
For they indeed, for a few days, punished us as seemed good to them; but he for our profit, that we may be partakers of his holiness. All chastening seems for the present to be not joyous but grievous; yet afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been exercised thereby.
His voice still calls you His, and His forgiveness is complete
When you fail, the enemy wants you to doubt the name; God points you back to the deed. 'Who is a God like you, who pardons iniquity... He will again have compassion on us. He will tread our iniquities under foot.' And if you sin, John reminds you: we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous, the atoning sacrifice for our sins. And because Jesus was tempted in every way like us, yet without sin, we can draw near to the throne of grace and find mercy in time of need. You are not the one who holds your place in His family; He is.
Who is a God like you, who pardons iniquity, and passes over the disobedience of the remnant of his heritage? He doesn’t retain his anger forever, because he delights in loving kindness. He will again have compassion on us. He will tread our iniquities under foot; and you will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.
My little children, I write these things to you so that you may not sin. If anyone sins, we have a Counselor with the Father, Jesus Christ, the righteous. And he is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not for ours only, but also for the whole world.
The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God; and if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint heirs with Christ; if indeed we suffer with him, that we may also be glorified with him.
For we don’t have a high priest who can’t be touched with the feeling of our infirmities, but one who has been in all points tempted like we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore draw near with boldness to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy, and may find grace for help in time of need.
As you read, you may wonder…
Scripture raises the next question
Studying the Word naturally opens more of it. Follow what you just read: it leads somewhere.
Hold onto these
Verses to meditate on
See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! For this cause the world doesn’t know us, because it didn’t know him.
For you didn’t receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”
“He arose, and came to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him, and was moved with compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
For whom the Lord loves, he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives.”
He will again have compassion on us. He will tread our iniquities under foot; and you will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.
Worth visiting