Why does He still call me son/daughter when I fail?
Because belonging to God as a child rests on His adopting love and His promise, not on your performance. When His children fail, He does not stop being Father: He is the Father who runs to His returning child, who disciplines because He loves, and whose claim on you is a covenant, not a balance sheet.
Not a summary of these passages: the passages themselves. Read them, then come back to the study below.
The study
What the Scripture says
1
Sonship is a gift of adoption, not a wage
You were not adopted because you were good enough; you were adopted because God chose to. Paul says God sent His Son and poured out His Spirit so that we might receive adoption as children. The invitation is not 'prove yourself, and then I will call you son.' It is the opposite: because we are children of God, the Spirit cries out, 'Abba, Father!'
But when the fullness of the time came, God sent out his Son, born to a woman, born under the law, that he might redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of children. And because you are children, God sent out the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, “Abba, Father!”But when the fulness of the time was come, God sent forth his Son, made of a woman, made under the law, To redeem them that were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of sons. And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father.
For you didn’t receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! For this cause the world doesn’t know us, because it didn’t know him.Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.
having predestined us for adoption as children through Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his desire,Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,
His love for you is a covenant, not a balance sheet
Human parents can be a poor picture; God's love is not running on your record. 'We love him, because he first loved us.' Even when a mother could forget her nursing child, God says He will not forget us; His compassion is on those who fear Him. He does not keep a tally of your failures against the love He has pledged.
In this is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son as the atoning sacrifice for our sins.Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
“Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yes, these may forget, yet I will not forget you! Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.
Like a father has compassion on his children, so Yahweh has compassion on those who fear him.Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him.
But God commends his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
The prodigal rehearsed a speech about being treated as a hired servant, but he never got to the punchline. While he was still far off, his father saw him, was moved with compassion, ran to him, and embraced him. The robe, the ring, and the shoes came before any lecture. Failure did not make him less a son; the father received him still calling him 'this, my son,' and to the elder son's complaint he answered, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours': the son's place never depended on what he earned.
“He arose, and came to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him, and was moved with compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe, and put it on him. Put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. Bring the fattened calf, kill it, and let us eat, and celebrate; for this, my son, was dead, and is alive again. He was lost, and is found.’ They began to celebrate.But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.
“He said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But it was appropriate to celebrate and be glad, for this, your brother, was dead, and is alive again. He was lost, and is found.’”And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.
Discipline is the mark of a son, not proof of being disowned
Hebrews tackles the very worry you have when you fail: it can feel like God has turned His back. But the Word says the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son He receives. God deals with you as with children. It is painful for the moment, but it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness; a father who does not discipline is not showing love, and He does discipline because you are His.
For whom the Lord loves, he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives.”For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
It is for discipline that you endure. God deals with you as with children, for what son is there whom his father doesn’t discipline?If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
For they indeed, for a few days, punished us as seemed good to them; but he for our profit, that we may be partakers of his holiness. All chastening seems for the present to be not joyous but grievous; yet afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been exercised thereby.For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
His voice still calls you His, and His forgiveness is complete
When you fail, the enemy wants you to doubt the name; God points you back to the deed. 'Who is a God like you, who pardons iniquity... He will again have compassion on us. He will tread our iniquities under foot.' And if you sin, John reminds you: we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous, the atoning sacrifice for our sins. And because Jesus was tempted in every way like us, yet without sin, we can draw near to the throne of grace and find mercy in time of need. You are not the one who holds your place in His family; He is.
Who is a God like you, who pardons iniquity, and passes over the disobedience of the remnant of his heritage? He doesn’t retain his anger forever, because he delights in loving kindness. He will again have compassion on us. He will tread our iniquities under foot; and you will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? he retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy. He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.
My little children, I write these things to you so that you may not sin. If anyone sins, we have a Counselor with the Father, Jesus Christ, the righteous. And he is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not for ours only, but also for the whole world.My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.
The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God; and if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint heirs with Christ; if indeed we suffer with him, that we may also be glorified with him.The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.
For we don’t have a high priest who can’t be touched with the feeling of our infirmities, but one who has been in all points tempted like we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore draw near with boldness to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy, and may find grace for help in time of need.For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! For this cause the world doesn’t know us, because it didn’t know him.Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.
For you didn’t receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
“He arose, and came to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him, and was moved with compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
For whom the Lord loves, he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives.”For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
He will again have compassion on us. He will tread our iniquities under foot; and you will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.