How can I know God's affection for me is real and not just a doctrine?
You can know God's affection is real because it is anchored in facts, not feelings: He did not spare His own Son for you, and nothing can separate you from His love. Jesus is the exact picture of the Father's heart, and the Father rejoices over you with singing. Feelings lag behind the promise; so we ground ourselves in the cross, the Word, and the Spirit's witness, and we let that love become the love we live from.
This question arose from studying How does God's love differ from human love? and What does it mean that God is love?.
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What the Scripture says
The cross is proof, not just a claim
Paul argues from the greater to the greater: 'He who didn't spare his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how would he not also with him freely give us all things?' You look at the cross not for a vague assurance but for a settled verdict: God so loved you that He gave. John puts it in the perfect tense: 'In this is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son as the atoning sacrifice for our sins.' The affection was demonstrated in an event, and events do not need our feelings to remain true.
He who didn’t spare his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how would he not also with him freely give us all things?
For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
In this is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son as the atoning sacrifice for our sins.
But God commends his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Jesus is the picture of the Father's heart
When Philip asked to see the Father, Jesus answered, 'He who has seen me has seen the Father.' The tenderness Jesus showed to sinners is the Father's own tenderness: in the parable, the father sees his son 'while he was still far off,' runs to him, and throws his arms around him; and Jesus said that even evil parents know how to give good gifts, 'how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!' Whatever you fear about God, check it against the face of Jesus, who is the mirror of the Father's love.
Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you such a long time, and do you not know me, Philip? He who has seen me has seen the Father. How do you say, ‘Show us the Father?’
“He arose, and came to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him, and was moved with compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe, and put it on him. Put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet.
Nothing can pry you out of His love
Paul's confidence is total: 'I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come... will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.' Jesus says of His sheep that no one 'will snatch them out of my hand,' and 'No one is able to snatch them out of my Father's hand.' Your sin, your failure, your weakness, your darkest day: none of them can separate you. The love is held by God, not by your grip.
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give eternal life to them. They will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all. No one is able to snatch them out of my Father’s hand.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Could oppression, or anguish, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
I give eternal life to them. They will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all. No one is able to snatch them out of my Father’s hand.
Feelings lag; ground yourself in the promise
Affection can feel absent on a hard Monday. So God gives us promises to stand on, not moods to chase: 'I will in no way leave you, neither will I in any way forsake you,' and, 'See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God.' And He has 'predestined us for adoption as children,' so that the Spirit in our hearts cries, 'Abba, Father,' testifying with our spirit that we are His. When feelings lie, the promise and the Spirit tell the truth.
Be free from the love of money, content with such things as you have, for he has said, “I will in no way leave you, neither will I in any way forsake you.”
See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! For this cause the world doesn’t know us, because it didn’t know him.
having predestined us for adoption as children through Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his desire,
For you didn’t receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God;
Receive it, and you will reflect it
The love is meant to be tasted and lived. 'Oh taste and see that Yahweh is good,' the psalmist invites, and John draws the inevitable line: 'We love him, because he first loved us.' The person who is certain of God's affection is freed to love others from it rather than grasping for love from them. Paul's prayer is that we would be 'rooted and grounded in love,' able to 'comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth' of Christ's love. That is how you know it is real: it changes you.
Oh taste and see that Yahweh is good. Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
We love him, because he first loved us.
that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; to the end that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be strengthened to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,
Beloved, if God loved us in this way, we also ought to love one another.
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Verses to meditate on
He who didn’t spare his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how would he not also with him freely give us all things?
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! For this cause the world doesn’t know us, because it didn’t know him.
Yahweh, your God, is in your midst, a mighty one who will save. He will rejoice over you with joy. He will calm you in his love. He will rejoice over you with singing.
Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you such a long time, and do you not know me, Philip? He who has seen me has seen the Father. How do you say, ‘Show us the Father?’
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