Is it wrong to keep grieving? Should faith make it stop?
No. Paul expects believers to grieve; he only insists we do not grieve 'like the rest, who have no hope.' Jesus wept at a tomb He was minutes from emptying. Psalm 88 stays dark to its last line and is still inspired prayer. Hope does not shorten grief; it changes where grief ends.
This question arose from studying Why does death hurt so much if God called His creation good?.
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The study
What the Scripture says
Paul assumes Christians will grieve
Paul does not write, do not grieve. He writes that we should not 'grieve like the rest, who have no hope.' The sentence only makes sense because grieving remains. What hope changes is not whether tears fall but what they mean and where they lead; Christian grief is sorrow walking toward morning.
But we don’t want you to be ignorant, brothers, concerning those who have fallen asleep, so that you don’t grieve like the rest, who have no hope.But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
Jesus wept at a tomb He was about to open
Jesus knew He was going to raise Lazarus; He had said so before He arrived. Yet standing at the grave He 'groaned in the spirit, and was troubled', and then came the shortest verse: 'Jesus wept.' The bystanders drew the right conclusion from those tears: 'See how much affection he had for him!' Weeping at a funeral is not unbelief, even from someone holding resurrection power.
Therefore when Mary came to where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you would have been here, my brother wouldn’t have died.” When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews weeping who came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled, and said, “Where have you laid him?” They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. The Jews therefore said, “See how much affection he had for him!”Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died. When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled, And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see. Jesus wept. Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him!
God gave sorrow inspired words
Psalm 88 opens by naming its addressee: 'Yahweh, the God of my salvation.' Almost everything after that is complaint, cried day and night, asking why God hides His face, and it ends in darkness with no resolution. Heman's psalm made the canon anyway. That means lament is not a failure of faith; it is a form of it.
Yahweh, the God of my salvation, I have cried day and night before you. Let my prayer enter into your presence. Turn your ear to my cry. For my soul is full of troubles. My life draws near to Sheol.O Lord God of my salvation, I have cried day and night before thee: Let my prayer come before thee: incline thine ear unto my cry; For my soul is full of troubles: and my life draweth nigh unto the grave.
But to you, Yahweh, I have cried. In the morning, my prayer comes before you. Yahweh, why do you reject my soul? Why do you hide your face from me?But unto thee have I cried, O Lord; and in the morning shall my prayer prevent thee. Lord, why castest thou off my soul? why hidest thou thy face from me?
You have put lover and friend far from me, and my friends into darkness.Lover and friend hast thou put far from me, and mine acquaintance into darkness.
Hope changes grief's destination, not its honesty
Paul ends the passage with a command: 'Therefore comfort one another with these words.' The words are about the dead being with Christ and rising again. Notice the direction of travel: comfort comes from speaking resurrection truth to each other while the tears are still wet, not from pretending they are already dry.
Therefore comfort one another with these words.Wherefore comfort one another with these words.
As you read, you may wonder…
Scripture raises the next question
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Continue this trail
Where is God while I sit in the ashes?→“Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit.The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.”What happened to the person I love, the moment they died?→“Jesus said to him, “Assuredly I tell you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise.”Did anyone enter heaven before Jesus rose?→“These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them and embraced them from afar, and having confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.”Will I actually see them again, or just know they're safe?→“After my skin is destroyed, then in my flesh shall I see God, Whom I, even I, shall see on my side. My eyes shall see, and not as a stranger. “My heart is consumed within me.And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God: Whom I shall see for myself, and mine eyes shall behold, and not another; though my reins be consumed within me.”How do I carry sorrow and hope in the same life?→“It is because of Yahweh’s loving kindnesses that we are not consumed, because his compassion doesn’t fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”What do I say to someone who just lost someone?→“So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.”It has been months. Why is my grief not getting easier?→“How long, Yahweh? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?”Explore further
How do I help a friend who is suffering?→Suffering & God's Will trail“So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.”Hold onto these
Verses to meditate on
Jesus wept.Jesus wept.
But we don’t want you to be ignorant, brothers, concerning those who have fallen asleep, so that you don’t grieve like the rest, who have no hope.But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
Yahweh, the God of my salvation, I have cried day and night before you.O Lord God of my salvation, I have cried day and night before thee:
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