It has been months. Why is my grief not getting easier?
Some sorrow refuses the schedule. David asked how long four times in two verses and kept praying anyway; Elijah asked God to end his life and received food, sleep, and a gentle voice instead of a rebuke. Long grief is not failed faith. God deals patiently with slow healing, feeding one day at a time until journey strength returns.
This question arose from studying What do I say to someone who just lost someone?.
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What the Scripture says
'How long?' is a question God allows
Psalm 13 opens with the question stacked four times: 'How long, Yahweh? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?' David is not scolded for asking; the asking is itself prayer, aimed straight at Yahweh. Grief that lasts longer than expected can still be prayed honestly, and Scripture preserves the honesty in writing.
How long, Yahweh? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart every day? How long shall my enemy triumph over me?How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?
Even the strongest collapse
Elijah had called down fire on Carmel hours earlier; under the juniper tree he prays the unthinkable: 'It is enough. Now, O Yahweh, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.' Exhaustion flattens prophets and parents alike. If the boldest man of his century could want to quit, then your endurance was never the measure of your worth.
But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die, and said, “It is enough. Now, O Yahweh, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.”But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.
God's answer was bread and sleep, not a lecture
Watch what God sends: an angel touches him, and there is cake baked on coals and a jar of water. Elijah lies down again, and the angel comes a second time with the reason attached: 'Arise and eat, because the journey is too great for you.' No sermon, no deadline. Sometimes the spiritual question underneath long grief is first a physical one, and God feeds it without shame.
He lay down and slept under a juniper tree; and behold, an angel touched him, and said to him, “Arise and eat!” He looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on the coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank, and lay down again. Yahweh’s angel came again the second time, and touched him, and said, “Arise and eat, because the journey is too great for you.” He arose, and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb the Mount of God.And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat. And he looked, and, behold, there was a cake baken on the coals, and a cruse of water at his head. And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again. And the angel of the Lord came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee. And he arose, and did eat and drink, and went in the strength of that meat forty days and forty nights unto Horeb the mount of God.
Trust grows back slowly, and slow counts
Five verses after the how-longs, David pivots on a small conjunction: 'But I trust in your loving kindness. My heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to Yahweh, because he has been good to me.' Nothing in his circumstances changed between verse two and verse five; trust reasserted itself anyway. Healing that inches forward is still healing, and God walks at inch-speed with you.
But I trust in your loving kindness. My heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to Yahweh, because he has been good to me.But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation. I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.
As you read, you may wonder…
Scripture raises the next question
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Can I be anxious and still trust God?→Anxiety & Peace trail“Why are you in despair, my soul? Why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God! For I shall still praise him for the saving help of his presence.Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.”When the weight won't lift: what happened to Elijah?→Anxiety & Peace trail“Yahweh’s angel came again the second time, and touched him, and said, “Arise and eat, because the journey is too great for you.”And the angel of the Lord came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee.”Hold onto these
Verses to meditate on
How long, Yahweh? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
Yahweh’s angel came again the second time, and touched him, and said, “Arise and eat, because the journey is too great for you.”And the angel of the Lord came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee.
But I trust in your loving kindness. My heart rejoices in your salvation.But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.
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