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Glory · Grief & Loss
Often nothing, and that is biblical. Job's friends helped most during the seven days they sat silent. Comfort in Scripture is a relay: the Father of mercies comforts us so that we can hand it on, weeping with those who weep, speaking resurrection gently, and staying long after everyone else has gone back to normal.
https://glorystudy.com/questions/how-do-i-comfort-someone-who-is-grieving · Scripture quoted from the World English Bible
Job 2:11-13
As you read: What Job's friends do right before they open their mouths, and why it worked.
11Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come on him, they each came from his own place: Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite, and they made an appointment together to come to sympathize with him and to comfort him.
12When they lifted up their eyes from a distance, and didn’t recognize him, they raised their voices, and wept; and they each tore his robe, and sprinkled dust on their heads toward the sky.
13So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.
2 Corinthians 1:3-11
As you read: Where comfort comes from, and the surprising purpose Paul gives for receiving it.
3Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort;
4who comforts us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, through the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
5For as the sufferings of Christ abound to us, even so our comfort also abounds through Christ.
6But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation. If we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer.
7Our hope for you is steadfast, knowing that, since you are partakers of the sufferings, so also are you of the comfort.
8For we don’t desire to have you uninformed, brothers, concerning our affliction which happened to us in Asia, that we were weighed down exceedingly, beyond our power, so much that we despaired even of life.
9Yes, we ourselves have had the sentence of death within ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead,
10who delivered us out of so great a death, and does deliver; on whom we have set our hope that he will also still deliver us;
11you also helping together on our behalf by your supplication; that, for the gift bestowed on us by means of many, thanks may be given by many persons on your behalf.
Romans 12:9-21
As you read: Genuine love's unglamorous verbs: rejoicing, weeping, blessing, pursuing.
9Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor that which is evil. Cling to that which is good.
10In love of the brothers be tenderly affectionate one to another; in honor preferring one another;
11not lagging in diligence; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;
12rejoicing in hope; enduring in troubles; continuing steadfastly in prayer;
13contributing to the needs of the saints; given to hospitality.
14Bless those who persecute you; bless, and don’t curse.
15Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep.
16Be of the same mind one toward another. Don’t set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Don’t be wise in your own conceits.
17Repay no one evil for evil. Respect what is honorable in the sight of all men.
18If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men.
19Don’t seek revenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to God’s wrath. For it is written, “Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord.”
20Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in doing so, you will heap coals of fire on his head.”
21Don’t be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
When Job's friends arrived, 'they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.' Seven days of silence was the most eloquent ministry of their entire visit; nearly everything they said afterward made it worse. Sitting on the ground with someone is theology before words.
“When they lifted up their eyes from a distance, and didn’t recognize him, they raised their voices, and wept; and they each tore his robe, and sprinkled dust on their heads toward the sky. So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.”Job 2:12-13
Paul blesses 'the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction'. Comfort arrives addressed to you but routed through you. You do not manufacture solace for others; you pass along what the Father handed you in your own affliction.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, through the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Paul pairs two verbs without ranking them: 'Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep.' Notice what is absent from the list: explain with those who explain, fix with those who fix. Entering someone's grief means letting it be sad, shedding the same tears, and resisting the urge to turn their loss into a lesson.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep.”Romans 12:15
There is something to say, but Paul defines it: 'Therefore comfort one another with these words.' The words are resurrection words, that the dead in Christ are with Him and will come back with Him. Spoken too early they sound like dismissal; spoken late, after tears, beside the grave, over the following months, they are exactly the medicine the verse intends.
“Therefore comfort one another with these words.”1 Thessalonians 4:18