Why do I still feel lonely?
Loneliness is not a failure of faith; it is a real and human ache, felt by the psalmist and even by Jesus. We were made for relationship with God and with one another, so isolation stings by design. God has not left you alone: He promises to be near, He gave His Son to be with us and His Spirit to indwell us, and He gathers His people as a family. Loneliness is real, but it is not the final word.
This question arose from studying What does it mean that we were made for relationship? and What does it mean to be made in God's image?.
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What the Scripture says
Loneliness is real, and it is not a failure
The psalmist knows it: 'My tears have been my food day and night,' and 'Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning?' The prophet Elijah felt utterly alone: 'I alone am left.' Even Jesus, in His most human hour, cried out in desolation and said to His disciples, 'you will leave me alone,' and yet, 'I am not alone, because the Father is with me.' Feeling lonely is part of living as a person in a fallen world; it does not mean God has abandoned you or that your faith is weak.
My tears have been my food day and night, while they continually ask me, “Where is your God?”
I will ask God, my rock, “Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”
He said, “I have been very jealous for Yahweh, the God of Armies; for the children of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and slain your prophets with the sword. I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.”
Behold, the time is coming, yes, and has now come, that you will be scattered, everyone to his own place, and you will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me.
We were made for relationship, so isolation aches
The ache is built into us because we were made for communion. In the garden God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone,' and Ecclesiastes observes that 'two are better than one,' for if one falls, 'the one will lift up his fellow' and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. We were made in the image of a relational God, made for Him and for one another, so a life cut off from intimacy runs against the grain of our design. The loneliness is the echo of that design, not a mistake.
Yahweh God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls, and doesn’t have another to lift him up.
If a man prevails against one who is alone, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
God created man in his own image. In God’s image he created him; male and female he created them.
God promises to be with you
Over and over, Scripture meets loneliness with presence. God says, 'When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you.' He is 'near to those who have a broken heart,' and He says, 'I will in no way leave you, neither will I in any way forsake you.' When you feel alone, you are not actually alone: the Father has promised His nearness to His children, and He has never once broken that promise.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, and flame will not scorch you.
Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit.
Be free from the love of money, content with such things as you have, for he has said, “I will in no way leave you, neither will I in any way forsake you.”
teaching them to observe all things that I commanded you. Behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.
Jesus is with us, and His Spirit dwells in us
God's answer to our aloneness is ultimate: He came to be with us. Jesus said, 'I am with you always, even to the end of the age,' and He promised, 'I will not leave you orphans. I will come to you.' He asked the Father to give us 'another Counselor... that he may be with you forever,' the Spirit who lives in us. And He said that He and the Father 'will come to him, and make our home with him.' The God of the universe has made His home with the lonely believer.
teaching them to observe all things that I commanded you. Behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.
I will not leave you orphans. I will come to you.
I will pray to the Father, and he will give you another Counselor, that he may be with you forever,— the Spirit of truth, whom the world can’t receive; for it doesn’t see him, neither knows him. You know him, for he lives with you, and will be in you.
Jesus answered him, “If a man loves me, he will keep my word. My Father will love him, and we will come to him, and make our home with him.
He also gathers us into a family
God intended to meet our loneliness through His people as well as His own presence. The church from the beginning 'continued steadfastly in the apostles' teaching and fellowship,' breaking bread together with gladness, so that 'the Lord added to the assembly day by day.' We are to 'bear one another's burdens,' 'weep with those who weep,' and not forsake 'assembling together.' When loneliness presses in, God's remedy is both a Person to trust and a people to join, and He invites you into both.
They continued steadfastly in the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and prayer. Fear came on every soul, and many wonders and signs were done through the apostles. All who believed were together, and had all things in common. They sold their possessions and goods, and distributed them to all, according as anyone had need. Day by day, continuing steadfastly with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread at home, they took their food with gladness and singleness of heart, praising God, and having favor with all the people. The Lord added to the assembly day by day those who were being saved.
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep.
Let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good works, not forsaking our own assembling together, as the custom of some is, but exhorting one another; and so much the more, as you see the Day approaching.
As you read, you may wonder…
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Verses to meditate on
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, and flame will not scorch you.
Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit.
I will pray to the Father, and he will give you another Counselor, that he may be with you forever,— the Spirit of truth, whom the world can’t receive; for it doesn’t see him, neither knows him. You know him, for he lives with you, and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans. I will come to you.
Be free from the love of money, content with such things as you have, for he has said, “I will in no way leave you, neither will I in any way forsake you.”
teaching them to observe all things that I commanded you. Behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.
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